SOME THOUGHTS
I believe I have uncovered something very basic to myself. The tension that is always in my body is due to a deep self rejection, a powerful bias against my innermost self, which I believe is not good enough for me. I believe this is part of the narcissistic personality disorder. It may be why I focus on my outer appearance so much, because the inside is so unacceptable. My goal is to love myself inside as much as the outside.