Image is Not enough

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KEVIN FOUND HIS DOG and maybe someone else

Download KEVIN FOUND HIS DOG and maybe someone else

NARCISSISM, REVISITED

I spent the whole day yesterday on my living room couch, half asleep, trying to problem solve my muscle tension and pain.  Last night, having come to no conclusion, I went to bed.  Slept without dreaming, as far as I know, but this morning, I found the solution.  Apparently, my tension is because part of me refuses to go along with the rest of me in forming a whole self.  I think that part is my ego.  An ego out of balance, a narcissistic ego.  My ego took control twice in my life, when I was humiliated by losing status - once in eighth grade and once when I left my family.  It has not let me forget those times.  They are emblazoned in my psyche and remain there, unresolved.

I think what I need now is a lot of compassion for myself.  Compassion for these things that happened to me, that were out of my control.  Also, I need to take risks where I feel I might be humiliated.  Humility has never been my strong point.  Pride goeth before the fall, they say, and I have fallen, fallen, fallen.  

These days, I am surprising myself with some of my capabilities - that are actual, not imaginary.  I also know that I can't control what people think of me, but I can control what I think of myself.  I want to give myself a chance.  I believe I have something to offer - at least, to my children. There might be some healing going on, not only in myself, but in my relationships.  Compassion is needed all around.  With compassion comes the ability to love.  Love is the antithesis of narcissism.   Amen.

SICKER THAN I AM

My new psychiatrist tops them all. He is not only very knowledgeable and qualified to help me, but he is absolutely HOT. He has a quiet confidence about him that inspires my trust. He also has eyes and a body that inspire something else. On my last visit, we shared some stories about where we grew up, and seemed to connect on an interpersonal level. Let's just say we were engaging in a non-therapeutic way. He told me he doesn't see me as critical or narcissistic. I had to tell him to read up more about narcissism, especially Alexander Lowen.

No more appointments for a month. Darn! Maybe I'll have to feign being sicker than I am.

If Image is not enough, then what is enough?

 

Ah yes, dear readers, I have been on a hiatus (not the same as a vacation) for many months from this site. Much has happened to me since then. I took a part-time job working as a weekend receptionist in an upscale retirement home in a beautiful neighborhood right on the lake. It was an adjustment for me - a solo player, pseudo entrepreneur type. It took me a while to catch on to the office procedures. I had to put my ego aside to observe the demands of the job. I learned to love working with the clients, even it was something as menial as making copies on the copy machine for them. (Well, I'm still working on that one.) Anyway, things are turning out pretty well, and I think my boss is learning to trust me more.

With only my small income from the job, and my small social security check each month, I did'nt know if I could continue to live alone - apart from my husband. Would I have to go back to him when my lease on my tiny studio was up? Somehow, it all worked out, and I was able to move into a biigger apartment in a low-income property. The neighborhood is low-income as well. My husband (we're not divorced yet) was willing to give me some money each month, just enough so I could get by. My dog and I are happy where we are now, and still remain close to our favorite dog park.

I received some inheritance money in February, and invested most of it, but kept enough to do some things I wanted and needed to do: buy some clothes, get my dental implants, decorate my apartment, and makeg a quick trip to Mexico next month. I'm also going to work with a hypnotherapist who specializes in the subconscious. Alleviating the tension in my mind and body has been my goal ever since my tranquilizers stopped working months ago. We will be spending two hours together, on Skype, from my home. Not the usual patient/doctor protocol, but its the only thing he offers right now, since he'll be in France

Lastly, I've decided to take the modeling class where I took the acting classes last year, (already paid for) and pay to get on the rolls of the acting studio. Its a bit of money, and it may all be in vain, but i'm turning over every rock I stumble across to see if there's anything there. All in the interest of opening myself up to life, and getting off my couch. I'm also trying to sell advertising for a neighborhood business blog.

I guess I'm just trying to make my life interesting. I would like to meet some interesting people I could entertain in my home. I'm hungering for stimulating converstaion with people I can connect with.

I know now that I have many facets to my personality, and I'm not just an' either/or'.. I want to relax and enjoy my facets. Its a little more daunting than what I'm used to, but I'm ready for the next step.

when I say that 'image is not enough' what I'm saying is that image is only skin deep. Its what lies beneath the skin, in our head and in our hearts, that makes us truly human.

 

Silent on the Surface

My former neighbor, Harry, is a realtor, and a successful one at that.  In spite of the fact that he is one of the shyest guys I know.  I went to one of his open houses, and what a difference from the usual spiel you get at open houses.  Because of his silence, I asked all the questions and made all the comments.  I'm have a pretty loud voice, and his quietness make me speak all the louder, as if I had to shout in order to hear him.  It's not that he's not knowledgeable or personable.  It's just that he's really quiet and soft spoken.  For this reason, people tend to do the speaking for him.

Underneath the silent surface, I know he is in total command of the situation.  He does his homework; he know the market.  In fact, he calls himself "Mr.______(market), as though he alone represents that piece of earth.  I'll bet he can read people better than we can read him.  He probably knows which ones are worth raising his voice for and wich ones aren't.  If anyone could be described as non-pushy, it would be Harry.

Perhaps Harry expresses himself best on the internet.  He has a complex website where he tells his life story and lets us know what his pet projects are.  So, he wants us to know that there's more to him than just a real estate functionary.  He has a life - he must have a personality - and I know he's making lots of money.  I have never felt less threatened by any realtor.  Maybe Harry is a model for his peers.                                                                        

Knight in Shining Armor or Megalomaniac?

It's his huge a-bomb-bubble of gray afro that you see first. It sets atop his lanky frame like a sonar detector on a sub. Then you see his mouth in constant motion, conversing or expounding, as the case may be. Mostly, its expounding about himself and his adoptive-father/armed services brand of morality. His mission, as I found in the written essay he handed me about a soldier back home from duty, is to guard and protect not only armed forces veterans, but everyone else.

Meet Random X Roads, self proclaimed guardian angel of the homeless, as well as of ordinary citizens who are being victimized. He is a well-recognized street person in my neighborhood, and everyone knows his van, where he lives. His common mantra is indignation against any kind of authority, coupled with a "savior" complex where he alone can rescue victimized humans. He boasts about his thousands of followers on the internet, although when I tried to find him there, I couldn't.

I was a bit reluctant to interview him for this piece. I felt her would blow me away with b---s---. And he tried to. But he also let me see a part of himself that was intimate and guarded. He showed me his driver's license with his real name. And he told me about his daughters, who have been victimized big time. He even wanted to introduce me to one of themm

He couldn't be prouder than being a Vietnam vet, although going to vietnam was perhaps his first clash with the US government. He had been lied to by the recruiter, who had told him he could remain stateside. When he received his orders after boot camp, he was indignant and demoralized: the US government has lied to him.

As I listened to him tell about his buddy, another Vietnam vet, who was hanging around us, I could feel his sense of loyalty and brotherhood to other homeless men and women. He invites them into his van. He calls them "Mr. or Mrs. President", which is the name he gave to me as well. He explains this by saying that the president of the United States won the respect of the people by being elected. The president,in turn, must respect each one of us. And we must respect and offer service to each other. That, in a nutshell, is the creed he tries to live by. I say "try", because a woman shop owner I talked to told me that when he passes by, its always with a bit of a leer toward the women in her shop.

As I listened to him, every now and then I would offer my interpretation of his stories. "Oh, you see yourself as a champion of the underdog", or "You don't trust authority, so you take things into your own hands". He'd nod his head in agreement, without anything I said sinking in. I flattered him by reflecting back the proud tone of his voice when he narrated a scenario where he thwarted some teenage hoodlums breaking into a van. But I also added, "That was admirable, up to the point where you blew it". (He had ended up screaming at them, until one thug said he would come back with a gun to shoot him).

Our interview ended abruptly when his daughter phoned from her van, parked on the street behind his, with a request for help to deal with a 'situation' that had arisen. It was a call to arms for Random. I could sense his adrenaline starting to surge. He gathered his buddy, the other vet, and off they went. We said we'd talk more later. But we never got together for one reason or another. I guess I didn't really want to listen to him anymore. Nor, did I want to change him anymore.

Did I make any kind of an impact on him? I don't know. When I talked to him briefly in his van a couple of hours later, he said that I had been the subject of conversation with his buddies. I told him that his name had come up in my conversation with the same shop owner, as well. We didn't elaborate at that point, and I refused his buddy's invitation to get into the van to talk. So, after waiting for him twenty minutes or so at our agreed meeting place, I gave up. I think maybe we both had had enough of each other.

What impact did our conversation have on me? Maybe that I' a better study of human nature than I thought. At least, I'm not as naive as I used to be. Oh yes, I did get a chance to tell him something inportant I am learning in a writing class I'm taking: "Don't make it all about you. Solicit the opinion of others. Ask for feedback on your ideas. Start a dialog, not a monologue". We'll see if it sinks in.

Business Image and Beyond

As I strolled the street of West Seattle today, I came across a florish shop that was across the street from where I stood. As a gazed into the shop, all I could see was a white display case in the window, covered with small, clear glass bottles and a few stringy plants. I thought, this is not much of a come-on for passers-by. I went into the shop, intending to offer my suggestion to the owner. The place was somewhat disorganized and cluttered. There was no evidence of floral arrangements or other attractive displays, other than a few pots of colorful flowers along the wall. I made my suggestion, tactfully, I hoped, and the owner replied that she is going to completely redo the place next week. I asked her if anyone was going to help her, and she said her contractor was. I thanked her and left., but not before telling her know . I was an image consultant for small businesses. This was a perfect example of how I can help, and what I love to do.

5 signs your retail store needs a makeover | RetailCustomerExperience.com

5 signs your retail store needs a makeover | RetailCustomerExperience.com.

Image may not be enough, but it can be a powerful force to attract what you are looking for. For some, its love - for others, money. Take a shop owner for example. His business is going down the tubes or never really got started. He blames it on the "economy". But if you look around his shop, you see that its unattractive and downright dumpy. Hasn't been painted in years; the furniture is tacky or non-existent. Lighting is inadequate, and the whole atmosphere is cold and uninviting or tired and burned out. The shopkeeper says he doesn't know how long he'll survive. Customers are

fewer and fewer, and his prices are dropping lower and lower. Where can a business like this go but down?

Well, if he could see the shop as others see it, it would be like giving
sight to the blind. Because he is, truly, blind.

I'd like this column to focus on image in a positive way = because although focusing on image doesn't make us more human, or our businesses more sustainable, it can attract more of the things we want.